Beginnings?

It's been almost a month since I've written. Malcolm and I are still seeing each other. I like him and he's vocalized how he really likes me as well. It's odd, but this doesn't feel the same way it used to feel...this feels mature and stable. Like someone I can melt into easily...effortlessly. He constantly tells me how amazing and beautiful I am...which I take with a grain of salt because I've heard these lines before and have become cautious about new men in my life. But yesterday, he told me how he's insecure because I never seem to reciprocate his sentiments (or at the very least...express them into words). It made me feel bad, and I felt like I should say something. He told me that he's never had this kind of chemistry with anyone before and I told him (after a very long pause) that I've never had this kind of chemistry with anyone before either. For God's sake, I hardly even liked the boyfriends I had before him. I still worry and think about whether this will work out. I keep feeling like something's going to go wrong or the rug's going to be pulled from under me. I guess dating in New York can get you this way. I'm trying to worry and analyze less, and let my guard down more...but it's a work in progress.
Malcolm's extremely sweet and bought me a bunch of books to help me out at school. It's rare that a guy is that nice to me anymore. I'm very grateful.
Speaking of which, school started. I'm still freaking out at the things I have to do in school and the amount of work invovled. I already feel myself lagging behind and I really can't procrastinate in design school. There are too many projects and assignments. I'm very scared that I won't be able to do this right. Even looking at other students' sketches and projects is scaring me. I keep thinking there's no way I can measure up. Hopefully, I'm just being pessimistic and critical of myself.
Chris texted me the other day to ask what's up and why I've disappeared. I mostly don't reply back much. I'm starting to feel like he's very pathetic for proposing to a girl he isn't in love with and then kissed me right after. None of what he's doing makes any sense to me and I'd rather not be involved. I want to remember what I had with him as a good memory, and him as a person who helped shaped me to what I am today. But I don't want to have a future relationship with him anymore. I want to leave this as it is for now.