We're going pretty well lately, despite a bit of a spat about him forgetting about my mention of London for the end of the year. We've decided to try to go to London for New Year's now. He took last Thursday off to re-celebrate my 25th bday with me (from a CL ad I put out at that time). He planned 5 dates in one day, and it was super sweet. My favorite part was sitting by the river at night, sipping beer, smoking cigs and looking at each other. I think I could be falling for this guy. Not even because we do things (since none of my previous boyfriends did anything), but because I can see a future with him, because we're both equally dorky, because I think we can be awesome together. I really like him. I find myself thinking about him at all hours of the day. I even have moments where I want to tell him I love him. I'm still deciding whether I can be in love with him
One thing that does bother me (or maybe it's just me being awkward and keeping him at arm's length) is the fact that I cannot pour my soul to him. I cannot tell him everyone on my mind to vent or find solace. I know what his reaction will be : a) a sarcastic comment b) declaration of his desire to stroke my hair c) a pouty face. Granted, this isn't his fault. He didn't grow up with a lot of family problems and naturally he would not know how to deal with them when talking to someone riddled with them. But I'm almost positive that this will be the one thing keeping me from being ever close to him. That, and the fact that he does not have friends here, which will eventually put a strain on our relationship.

I eventually forgave Malcolm for breaking my trust. Kim asked me whether I felt that he was worth the risk....the risk of getting hurt if I trusted him again. Did I like him enough? Ultimately, the answer was yes. Honestly, I don't think I've ever met anyone like Malcolm. I've never liked anyone the way I did him. And I feel like sometimes only I can understand why his dorkiness is so appealing. Kristin and Janie do not get why I find some of the things he says is so funny or endearing. I wonder how his wife understood him. Did she like his dorky jokes and emails? Was she witty too? What about his ex-girlfriends? Either way, I was willing to take the chance to see where this will lead, despite the fact that he broke the trust I had for him and he had to earn it back. It might bite me in the ass in the future....but that was a chance I was willing to take right now. I just wished he didn't fuck it up so bad so early.
I think it's been 3 weeks since the incident. I've mostly let it slip into the recesses of my mind. Alongside with Chris. What ever happened to him? Who knows? He's married. That's all I need to know.
I've recently become annoyed with Malcolm for something else. A while back I told him I really wanted to see London through his eyes. I've been there a couple of times before, but I'd like to see his city, the way he sees mine through my eyes. I casually mentioned when he decided he would go to the UK for the rest of his vacation days, and he said after Christmas. Then I mentioned that we won't be spending New Year's together then I guess, and he just had a sympathetic face, "yea". This got me very annoyed and I tried really hard to hide it so as to not ruin our evening together. After a few days passed, I realized I was very annoyed. I tried to keep a distance, while still maintaining communication. However, this weekend, I became more aloof and he became more attentive and boyfriend-y. I'm not sure if he senses my annoyance, but guys are too dense anyway.
I'm not sure how I will bring up what's bothering me, but I guess I have to in order to be open and communicative. Otherwise, I'll just go out with him all irritated and bothered.