You know when you start something new, even when you're not sure of how it would turn out? You try not to psych yourself out and just kind of breathe as if to slow down the systole and diastole of your heart. A part of you wants to not think, and just jump into the freezing cold water knowing that once you get over the initial shock, it will be cool and refreshing. But until then, you just sit there dipping your toes into the water. This is where I am....just dipping my toes in every now and then. With every dip is another glimpse into the future. Some of these glimpses are happy and others sad. I'm still not ready to dive in yet I guess.